


Missing You

by silverware_and_glasses



Series: Approaching Humanity [2]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, M/M, Male Solo, Masturbation, Other, Pining, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24679330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverware_and_glasses/pseuds/silverware_and_glasses
Summary: Whenever Sebastian has to leave London, Agni's absence weighs down on him in the long, empty nights. Alone with nothing but his imagination, Sebastian tries to make his own company.
Relationships: Agni/Sebastian Michaelis
Series: Approaching Humanity [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784293
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Missing You

The hardest thing about being back at the main household was the lack of Agni. Sebastian found he didn’t know what to do with himself. Once his master was in bed and his daily duties were finished there were hours of empty time bleakly blotting his schedule. At the London manor Sebastian had no issue filling these empty hours. Agni was there. He could talk to Agni, hold him, lie by his side as he drifted off to sleep. In fact, in London Agni filled Sebastian as often as he filled Sebastian’s time. The thought caused a wry smile to cross Sebastian’s face, unseen by all but the night. 

Here in the main household he was alone. Sebastian had never equated being alone to being lonely, but without Agni the silence was less pleasurable than it had once been. He felt that there was something missing.

And he was pent-up.

He hated to admit it, even to himself, but Sebastian had adjusted himself to a certain lifestyle with Agni around, one that granted him satisfaction every evening and—if Agni was up for it—during stolen moments throughout the day. Sebastian didn’t like to dwell on the absence of pleasure. It made him feel needy, and feeling needy made him feel human. However, he couldn’t deny that he felt Agni’s absence. Especially at night, when lying alone on his bed with nothing to do made Sebastian’s thoughts spiral into places they never dared explore before.

What would he do if Agni was there? He wouldn’t give him a moment to speak, that was for certain. If Agni happened to walk in the room that moment Sebastian would drag him to bed, and ravish him. He’d pin him down and strip him of every last scrap of clothing that blocked his view of Agni’s perfect body, and sink onto his warm, pulsating flesh before either of them could have a moment to process the situation. They’d both come too quickly, desperate from their long absence, but that was fine. It would only draw out their next round, and the indescribable pleasure that would—

Sebastian clenched his legs together and rolled to his side, trembling all over. His body was aflame, as though Agni really had been there touching him. At some point his breathing had become rugged. He let his hand fall between his legs, barely daring to face what he was about to find. And there it was. Sebastian let out a groan of humiliation at the realisation that thoughts alone could make him like this. Agni was ruining him.

There were two ways he could deal with this problem. He could leave it and wait for it to go away. The idea of pleasuring himself, _debasing_ himself, conflicted entirely with Sebastian’s sensibilities. He could have anyone, why would he settle for his own hands?But he was already too far gone for that. The idea of denying himself was more than he could bear. There wasn't a choice, not really. 

He tried not to think about what he was doing as his hand met his own flesh. He stroked along his length, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to conjure up the fantasy that left him in this writhing state. But now that pleasure was available to him the fantasy kept slipping away. He tried to picture Agni’s form, how his flesh felt against him, but all he felt was his hand. There was no wondrous life filling the room, only Sebastian’s static breathing.

It wasn’t going to work. Not like this. Sebastian rolled from his bed and crossed the room, flushing at the feeling of his erection on display, even though no one was there to see it. No. _Because_ no one was there to see it. Alone he couldn’t pretend to himself that his weeping arousal was for his partner’s benefit. He had to face the fact that there were parts of him he could no longer control.

He kept a drawer in his room filled with a few of Agni’s effects. An undershirt; some trinkets; a bottle of the oil he used on his hair: bits and pieces that had fallen into Sebastian’s possession after their shared nights together. He opened it now, sighing as the faintest scent of Agni drifted towards him.

He took the hair oil first and released a few droplets onto his hand, then breathed in deeply. Agni’s scent. Of course, there was so much more to the real Agni, from the particular flavours of his blood, to the lingering scent on his skin of the delicate soap he favoured. This was only one piece of that delightfully intricate puzzle. With his non-oily hand Sebastian gently ran his fingers over the soft cotton of Agni’s shirt. There was nothing remarkable about it; it was just an undershirt. An undershirt that had touched Agni. Sebastian pulled it out, held it to his chest and inhaled the ever fading scent of him. If Agni ever knew Sebastian was doing this he’d be disgusted. Sebastian knew that. He _knew_ that. But he needed something to fill his emptiness, to plug up the void Agni had left in his absence.

Sebastian leaned against the wall and sank to the ground, shirt in one hand, oil in the other. For a moment he second guessed himself, hardly believing he was about to do this, but feelings spoke louder than thoughts. He closed his eyes once more and let his oil slicked hand find his cock, then buried his face in Agni’s shirt as though to conceal his humiliation. With his vision cut off, he was almost able to convince himself that the slick heat of his hand was Agni’s mouth, that the scent of the oil was only Agni’s hair. That Agni was really there.

He began to pump his length, curling in on himself and grunting into the shirt. The oil made his movements slick, each stroke more intense than the last. He groaned, but Agni’s shirt muffled the sound. He dove into the fantasy. This time it didn’t slip away. He felt himself trembling, slipping to the brink faster than he anticipated. _Agni._ It was Agni’s mouth around him. It was Agni he was feeling. It was Agni who had torn his mind to shreds.

When he finally came he stifled his cries, mouthing Agni’s name over and over into the waiting silence. He shuddered, his seed spilling between his fingers, then gradually slowed his movements, Agni’s name still swirling in his mind. Chest heaving, he dropped back against the wall, imagining that Agni was picking himself up between his legs. There was no one to see, so Sebastian vanished the mess with a lazy wave of his hand, but he imagined it was Agni cleaning him off, as sweet in his aftercare as he was in all other moments of their courting. 

Even then Sebastian didn’t move from his spot. Slumped against the wall, the very image of indecency, he hugged the shirt to his chest once more, just as Agni would have done to him if he were here. Sebastian was never usually one for cuddling, but in that brief moment he could see the appeal. Sebastian would have given anything to be in Agni’s arms again.

“I miss you,” he whispered aloud.

But the only answer was silence.

**Author's Note:**

> I set out to write smut and accidentally wrote angst. I guess this is life now.


End file.
